Harvest....

The time has come.
We harvested those beautiful, fat, round, delicious pumpkins we've been tending all year.

I will miss their orange glow when I look out over the garden from my kitchen window. They promised me autumn...and now it has come.

Where is focus....

So here's the deal.

I'm not great at taking pictures.

Nope. Really.  

I'm not. 

It just so happens that I take alot of pictures...

of anything that will stay still long enough for my camera to capture it. 

And then I edit the hell out of it...

and of course only keep the three out of five hundred that I like.

The thing about photography that is tricky is focus.

There are so many places for your lens to chose to focus on clearly. 

It just might not be the thing that you would like to have in focus for that particular photo.

For example...should the knife be clear, the counter top, the dough or the cinnamon and sugar?

I'm not great at getting the right thing in focus at the right time.

Not great at all.

I have a lot of blurry in my life.

Alot.

I wish I could throw out the not so great, blurry parts of my life sometimes like I do with my not so great, blurry photos.  

So many times it's just not that easy.  You can't.  

The real art here...in photography and LIFE...is to adjust what you are focusing on in the picture.

When you can't edit something from your life...it is there...for always.

Change the focus.

I would have to recommend focusing in on the cinnamon and sugar more often than the knife.

Fall's right of passage....

It's the last hoorah of summer around these parts....

the end of once upon a summer and the beginning of happily ever after fall...

the county fair.

We do it up right around here people...

there are so many kids involved in the local 4-H program that the public school doesn't even bother to start till after the county fair...

otherwise they have no students at school...

their all at the fair. 

I can't even begin to imagine how amazing a breeding ground for germs this experience is...

good thing cotton candy has so much sugar...it actually kills germs on contact instantly therefore making finger licking highly advisable.

Thank you sweet summer, you have been very good to us.  Now don't let the door hit you on your sun tanned buns as head out the door...

become you...

I had the best morning with her the other day.

She had the day off from school, but her little sister didn't.

Baby was down for her nap and we did one of her favorite activities together.

We folded laundry.

(I know...right?!?!)

It was morning and she was fresh from a good nights sleep.

She did not have to vie for attention with her sisters.

She was not preoccupied with daily routine tasks like spelling words or dinner time.

She was in her element...organizing the clothes into neat piles.

She was clearly...Audra.

It was a remarkable moment.

Not one of me playing the parenting role.

Her playing the daughter role.

She was just being Audra.

And Audra is quite the young lady.

I felt honored to get to know, to hang out with, to live with such a nice person.

As parents it's sometimes hard to see them as their own person...not just a child, a responsibility.

It is so easy to get caught up in making sure they have clean teeth, homework done, nice words, combed hair, matching socks, hands to themselves, veggies downed...and the list goes on and on.

This "responsibility" of mine....

this Audra...

is becoming quite the nice person.

High five...

This kid is a delight.

I cannot wait to know the woman she will become.

Funny.

Smart.

Sensitive.

Full of laughter.

I used to think that things, situations made you laugh, feel good, enjoy life.

No...

people like THIS kid do.

Five years ago today we met her...

she has been the best five years of my life to date.  

Elliot...

you are a rock star.

one...

This weekend has been a long time coming...

a year to be exact.

Our baby is one.  

Not so much a baby really.

But yet...my BABY.

We had cake...

and only one minor cake incident.

Nothing a pile more sprinkles couldn't fix...

We partied with a huge group of family that love and adore her as much as we do...

Good news...baby likes chocolate.

It has been one heck of a year.

So good.

So hard.

So much LOVE.

A few tears.

So many giggles.

So many belly laughs.

So many discoveries.

She is part of our new normal.

She is so firmly planted in our hearts...

I can't remember what it was like without her here. 

Amelia you have my love...

Tis spring that makes me happy...

tis spring that makes me happy....

tis spring that makes me glad...

three things...

It started with my baby's bath.

She smelled so sweet.  

So perfect.  

Her life is so simple right now.  

She is so innocent.  

And she loves me.  

She loves me so deeply, completely.  

She doesn't even understand how flawed I am.  

How very broken. 

 Lacking. 

 She just loves me.  

Cries when I leave her.  

Squeals when she sees me again.  

It's almost enough to make you think, "wow, I must be kind of a big deal," even though I understand child development and have raised two other babies.   

Audra, the seven year old.  

Sitting at the kitchen table drawing her seven year old drawings.  

The cat and the dog.  

Her favorite subjects.  

She is so pleased with her work.  

It's good, but very "seven years old."  

She doesn't care.  

She is pleased, proud of her work.  

Feels accomplished.  

Has found a bit of happy in her day there at the table with paper and pencil. 

And that is all that matters.

Pandora was singing to me "you make every thing glorious and you made me..." but do I feel it or just hear it?  

There is this ugly, sneaky little voice that roams around.  

It speaks quietly..."your okay, but not great." 

It whispers, "You are nice, but not that big of a deal."  

"He made you...but look how flawed things have turned out." 

My God just speaks one decible louder then that nasty little voice.  

He wakes me this morning with my sweet babe, her sweet voice, her sweet breath, her sweet baby buns in the tub.  

He brings my seven year old to the table while I clean the kitchen and points out to me that if a seven year old can feel good about what she creates, why can't I?  

He turns the music up just a bit so that I hear it above the rumble of the house, the chorus of a song that repeats just enough times to wiggle it's way to the front of my mind. 

Three things added up.  I am humbled.  

Again.  

Will I remember this lesson? 

Hopefully it will last longer than the last time.  Hopefully I will catch it again when I forget, when He gently offers it up again to me....again...just when I need it.

remember this...

In the in between....

 Dear Life-

A word if you please.  

We would like to take you one day at a time.  

No more.

No less.

Enough with trying to pack everything in at once.

I'm on to you...

 

 The coffee maker is tired...it needs a break.

You'll have to back off for a while.

Thanks for understanding.

Sincerly,

Me

Corners...

I just couldn't bare to take down all the pretty twinkle lights when I boxed the stuff of Christmas up and tucked them back under the stair case...

the corners of the house seem a little dark and sad...

I am happy to report I did not gain 19 pounds this year due to the thrill of holiday eating...maybe 18 pounds...but definitely not 19...

now that I've been laid off from my job as Santa's helper, I have taken a temporary job assisting the stork by making lovely gifts for the babies that will be joining some sweet families we know...

I went to the grocery store today and came home with spinach, frozen blueberries, oranges, bananas, grapefruit juice, flowers and cat food treats...

almost all of it went into a knee slapping, high fiving, more please and thank you smoothie I made...

I'll let you guess which items did not make the dive into the blender...

Christmas explosion...

Christmas has exploded at our house.

I forgot to water the tree two days in a row...she is rebelling (yes, our Christmas tree is a girl...how could she not be...there are four women in this house).

We have a Christmas program to go to this week...I know one four year old who will be singing her heart out.

We will make 23 friendship bracelets this week...I have one seven year old that has a big heart and crafty hands.

I have one 8 month old who's poop smells like the fresh scent of pine...any guesses as to what she has been putting in her mouth these days?