It's 9:41 pm and I should be sleeping.
Really?
Yup...she is sleeping. That equals me sleeping.
Deal is, I usually would just be hitting my stride right about now.
Time to get things done.
Things that I have been thinking about all day long.
Finally, accomplished.
That was pre-Amelia. She is a game changer.
I have two big girls six and four years old and they own the day time hours.
Amelia owns the night.
I get asked every day how it's going.
How is life with three, how are you adjusting, how are the big girls doing?
We actually are doing quite well I think.
Sometimes people seem a little disappointed in this answer.
I actually haven't spent this much time sitting down in years.
I'm wired to move, to do, to accomplish things.
I spend a great deal of time these days just sitting nursing baby Amelia.
When my mind starts to run away from me is the hard part.
The "to do" list starts to play on a repeating loop.
I think of what I should be doing, accomplishing.
Then I have to try and remember what I was just thinking about doing, accomplishing because I cannot remember anything to save my life right now due to sleep deprivation!
I am working really hard right now at just sitting.
Holding her while she sleeps.
Breathing in her yummy new born smell.
Touching her velvet skin.
Listening to her dove coos as she nurses.
Studying the swirls of her downy hair.
As a mother of three I know full well how fast this goes.
That this is it for us.
Our last time to experience this amazing gift.
The letting go....
the giving in to Amelia time....
that is my adjusting.
I don't care that I'm now late to everything...we eventually get there.
That I have to crawl into the back seat of a small SUV to wrangle three car seats.
That the middle one has done a great job of re-testing boundaries that she knows full well exist.
I'm just working on letting go...while holding on so tightly to Amelia Lyn...
