I choose this...

 I got a phone call the other week...

a great phone call...

a phone call asking me to come back to work.

Just part time.

As a sign language interpreter.

I wanted to take the job so badly.

To get to GO to work.  Be productive. Help others. Talk to adults. Use that part of my brain that I forgot I had but still is there AND I believe... still works.

Now don't get me wrong.  

Being at home with a passel of kiddos IS work.  Hard work. Important work.

But there is something about it that leaves me empty?

Not sure how that works when I really do love being a full time mom.  But it does.

I simultaneously love this and long for something that it doesn't offer all at the same time.

And...the fact that I CAN choose to stay at home, that it is a quandary to stay or go...please.

BLESSED.

So I said no.

I can't.
I just can't do it. 

Not this year.

I so very much so want all the pieces of my past experiences that have come together to make me, "me"...to meet up with all the right pieces of my future self. 

But right now I am molding HER future self.

This is my third round of motherhood. 

I've learned a thing or two about the lighting fast speed at which this goes by.

We have so many cookies to bake together.

So many naps to rock to sleep together.

So many books to memorize.

And potty training...

Oye.

I truly believe there is no easy answer here.

It is hard.  Life is hard.  There is no easy way out.  

So I will do my best.

With what I have.

I have these ten tiny, perfect toes.

And I will do my best for her...

My unlist summer list....

Friends...

summer is here.

Kids are all out of school.

The littles that I babysit are back under the care of their school teacher parent...

We are free to be free.

With one week of practice summer vacation (we were still babysitting) under our belt...

we are ready for the real deal. 

Last year we did the mighty "summer to do list"...it was on the frig...big and bright.

Every time I opened or walked by the home of all things tasty...it stared at me.

I swear it even blinked.

As the summer pressed on...it started to talk to me...taunting me about what was undone still.

Around August 15th it started yelling at me.

I felt anxiety looking at it.

I felt like I was a mom failure.

So much still not done.

Not enough time.

AGGGHHHH.

So this year I am doing things differently.

No cute list on a stylish chalk board.

I brainstormed with another mom about POSSIBILITIES for summer...OPTIONS.

Categorized them as things like "crafts, adventures, thoughtfulness day, learning, family work day (oh ya...kids are gonna love me)."

We will make a "book" with mine and the kids ideas in it that we can reference...see what strikes our fancy for that day.

We will ON PURPOSE do a little less. 

And on that note...I must now go get my  super sexy wet suit on (just kidding...kind of) to go to the pool. 

I will bake you a cake and wrap you some flip flops...

My sweet little girl went ahead and said goodbye to being five...and HELLO...to six.

This one is usually very specific about what she wants for a birthday party. 

Usually planning things out in say...May...even though her birthday just happened in April.

We have been blessed with a strange, second garage in our daylight basement...weird...right?

What was once a wood working/cabinetry shop is now full of fabric, ribbons, sewing machines and hot glue guns.  

 So for Elliot's special day, she wanted a craft party with her friends.

She just wasn't real clear or specific about what we should make.

So with nine little girls and mommy helpers we decorated flip flops with fabric and pretties...

and made an ice cream cone t-shirt by ironing on prepped fabric shaped cones and ice cream scoops.

Get your craft on. Check.

 Bake a cake. Check

Build your own trail mix. Check.

And call it a day.

This morning...

This morning I had this wild hair of an idea...

hey...why don't I blog or something...

you know...write words that mean something to me...

document with pictures that this life happened today...

good idea...no?

Sometimes brain space gets taken up by stuff that isn't great for us.  

When this happens, with any luck, we realize it.  We remove it.  And then we move right along.

Like cobwebs cleared from the corners....

speaking of which...

I literally have cobwebs in the corners of my house...

and dust an inch thick.

Ok. 

Maybe not that bad.

But close.

Must go get after it now...

but this little nook of the universe...

it is mine and I'll be back...

soon.

Mothering...

the madness...

the stress...

the love so thick you can touch it...

the pure joy...

all of it.

This is motherhood.

Sweets for your sweet...

Oh chocolate...

more ideas of things that go great with chocolate...

go HERE

Today....

Today I will take my girls to their perspective schools sweaty, unshowered, with an "oh dear me, what is that" mop of hair on my head.

I will come home and clean the house because sweeping the floor somehow helps to sweep cobwebs from my brain too.

I will make a pot of healthy, hearty, soup.  It will feed my soul and my belly...equally.

I will NOT do laundry...I just bought the girls more undies last night instead (brilliant...I know).

How about it..how is your today going to be?

So much of our day it seems is not our choosing, or so it feels.

It is full of "if I don't do it then who will" kind of stuff.

Work to pay the bills.

Cook to feed the hungry mouths.

Clean to avoid a scary reality show about how you lost your youngest child in a pile of dirty socks.

Run around all day...and yet not know exactly what it is you did all day or what you accomplished.

Small victories people.  

That is what we are looking for.

A hot shower. Victory

A homemade, healthy supper.  Victory.

Paid the water bill.  Victory

At bed time, all children accounted for.  Victory.

So let's get to it shall we....

and remember...

small victories.