My Maria....

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad. ~Arnold H. GlasgowThis is my Maria, we met when we were 18 months old (okay, I was 18 months, she was 15 months, she would want me to be CLEAR on that). I don't remember life without her.

I don't have a sister, just one older brother...except for Maria. I can call Maria up at any time of day and lament with her the smallest, insignificant thing or mourn life's greatest tragedies.

She treats them with equal importants, which makes me feel like I am important and that I matter to her. I think that's all anyone really wants in this world, to feel like they matter to someone else.

Generations

I am moving home, where the grass is greener, the trees are taller and the mountains.....well they actually have them!!!! The end of June my family will make one more long trek cross country, only I'm not returning to Texas in a few short weeks this time. Don't get me wrong, we will be back. We have family, a multitude of friends and a decade of memories here. But I have never felt like I quite fit here...there was always something just a little off, something not quite right no matter how "right" my current surroundings were.

The thing that I am most looking forward to is getting to take part in taking care of my family. My mom is the matriarch of our family. The one who hosts the holiday meals and events, the one who will call you and tell you what to bring for Christmas dinner, the one that goes to see her aging father every single day, the one that cooks the weekly meal that the whole family gathers at, the one that knows what everyone likes and dislikes and cooks or bakes that person's favorite thing for their special day.

I want to take care of her now. I want to cook Sabbath lunch and have her come over to my house and do....nothing. Just sit down and enjoy a home cooked meal. I want to take a day to be responsible for my grandfather so she has a little more free time on her hands. I want to drop by her office with my kids and a cup of hot coffee just to make her smile. I want to water her plants while she's out of town so they look nice for her when she gets back. I want to start new family traditions that my daughters will have as a part of their growing up experience.

The thing is, we learn how to take care of our families by watching previous generations do it. I remember my grandmother going to visit her mother every single day when she was living in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. I remember my grandma coming over to our house to do the laundry just to help out my over worked, over stressed mom. I remember always going to my grandmother's house for holidays and weekly family meals.

It's been eight years now since my gram passed away and my mom picked up the reins. I want to make my gram proud, I want her to know that I watched and I learned from her example. I have two daughters, they are little, but they are watching me, always watching. I want to hand down to them the same legacy that was given to me.

Wishing...

Isn't it funny how no matter what state we find ourselves in, there is always the temptation to be "wishing" for something else, something different. In south Texas we don't exactly experience the harshness of winter, but we also don't slip into our swim suits and prance about in the sprinkler in January! My little one however on this day, was wishing for the lazy days of summer and her favorite summer toy, the sprinkler.

I suffer from the same temptation. As I sit here this morning all dressed up in my "big girl clothes" I so vividly remember wishing as a stay at home mom just one week ago, for an excuse to have to dress in something other than my mom uniform of jeans and a t-shirt, to feel needed by society and valued for the hard days work I would put in day after day.

Today I am overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to spend the day with my little pumpkins, to put on my jeans and t-shirt and read the same book again, and again, and again, and again to my girl. To cook a gourmet meal of mac and cheese to wild applause of a 21 month and four year old connoisseur of pasta from a box.

I am struggling to enjoy the moment I am in right now, and wish to be nowhere else but here. But it's time to put on my "big girl" shoes and head out that door, wish me luck today friends!

Change...

There are several different kinds of change. The kind that creeps up on you and out of no where....BAM! It gets you, like your boyfriend cheating on you or finding out they are closing your nearest Starbucks that you get your morning coffee at every day.

Then there is the kind of change that takes it's time, you hardly even notice it until it's collective self just can't be ignored. Things like aging, or the progress a city makes as it inches it's way farther and farther out, taking over mother nature.

Then there is change that you plan for, you wait... you longingly think about how things will be...anticipation meets you every morning as you get up. A long engagement, pregnancy, finishing college.


This week I have started back to work full time as a vocational rehabilitation counselor for the deaf to complete a masters of social work degree. This is my final semester....my last class. I have been plugging along part time taking classes for four years now and have been planning my internship since June of last year.


Here is the other part about change....it's HARD. And now since my life is intertwined with three other peoples lives....their lives are hard too.


My little family is plowing through the change, I am proud of them. I know my littlest will not remember crying every morning when she is left at day care, my oldest won't remember how horrible her behavior got for the first week of mommy's internship and my husband will forgive me for all the hardship when I am making "BIG" bucks as a social worker some day...but today we all feel the hard part of change.

20 hours of my internship down....only 580 hours left to go!

Simple life...

I think the Weepies said it best:

Can I get up in the morning

Put the kettle on

Make us some coffee, say "hey" to the sun...

Is it enough to write a song and sing it to the birds?

They'd hear just the tune

Not understand my love for words

But you would hear me and know

I want only this,

I want to live

I want to live a simple life.

I dreamed you first

But not so real

And everyday since I've found you

Such moments we steal

Like little thieves, we rub our hands

We hold our hearts between them.

But will you hear me and know?

I want only this,

I want to live

I want to live a simple life.

Move on, move on

Time is accelerating.

Drive on all night

Traffic lights and one-ways.

Move on, move on

Parking violations waiting

Turn off the car, breathe the air

Let's stay here.

I'll kiss you awake, and we'll have time

To know our neighbors all by name

And every star at night.
We'll weave our days together like waves

And particles of light.

I want only this,

I want to live

I want to live a simple life.

I know that life is difficult, bad things happen, struggles are daily with us, tragedy is a part of every life.

But I believe I make this harder than it has to be.

I want my priorities to be clearer

To be quiet more often

To remember my daughters second and fifth years of live vividly

To love my loved ones better

To practice the fine art of letting go

I want to live a simple life in 2009...

Life Lesson #1

Today's Life Lesson is brought to you by: This is my oldest daughter Audra, she is 4 1/2 years old and learning new things every day.

A couple of days ago she learned what "inappropriate" means, it went a little something like this:

First let me set the stage for you. We are at a museum, having a "I've been very good" snack of a chocolate chip cookie in their cafe while mom has an "ahhhhh, coffee!" snack.

In walks a woman that is VERY curvy and FULL figured. Now, remember, we are at a museum...a very quite place. Audra, who loves all things baby, says, "Mommy, she has a baby in her tummy!" I at this point, cannot cram the chocolate chip cookie in her mouth fast enough to keep her quiet as I wildly look around the room to see if the curvy, but defiantly not pregnant lady (this lovely lady was "grandma" aged...her ship has sailed in this department) had heard Audra's diagnosis. Thankfully she was happily going about her business at the pastry counter. "Audra that is INAPPROPRIATE" I said as I shoved another bit into her already full mouth!! "What does "inarroriate" mean mommy?" "It means you NEVER say that about a lady's tummy....EVER....no matter what size or shape it is!" I can't wait till she gets to first grade and has a vocabulary test with the word "inappropriate" on it!!

Be Happy...TODAY!

"If you are not happy here and now, you never will be." ~Taisen Deshimaru